I Paleo Hacked Chipotle

15 Feb

Don't fret Paleo friends... there's meat under the salsa.


I recently came across Robb Wolf’s The Road Forager blog posts which have been a life saver when traveling. He pretty much Paleo Hacks all sorts of restaurant foods. I tried the original recommendation of “Burrito Bowl, no rice, no beans, double meat, salsa, and guac” but it was way too much meat for me to finish. How sad. I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller… I wish I could put down meat like a man. Plus, I wish I had more vegetables (good thing “veggie” isn’t a Paleo expletive like it is on Epic Meal Time.)

So, now my order is a (Meat) Salad, hold the rice, hold the beans (insert weird look from Chipotle employee here), two scoops mild salsa, one scoop hot salsa (because mama likes it hot.)  I’m probably going to Paleo Hell for skipping the guac but, listen, the first and last time I got guac at Chipotle I ended up feeling grossly nauseous. Plus, once I unintentionally laid my hand in seagull poop and it looked EXACTLY, I mean ex-act-ly, like guac and sourcream mixed together. So, I think I’ll pass on seagull poop in my food.

If you find yourself passing through Philadelphia, my favorite Chipotle is the one located here.  They have a super friendly staff that aren’t stank with the ingredients and they play swanky music with a W Hotel vibe which makes eating Paleo extra sexy.


8 Responses to “I Paleo Hacked Chipotle”

  1. Brooke February 15, 2011 at 12:56 #

    Love the strange looks when I tell them to hold the rice and beans. Then when I tell them “no thanks” on the dressing, it’s like I’ve grown a horn in the middle of my face.

    • jessicamacho February 17, 2011 at 06:10 #

      I was have to tell them twice: “No rice, no beans, just chicken.”
      (Weird looks. “No rice? No beans?”)
      “No rice, no beans thank you.”

  2. McGrok February 15, 2011 at 14:44 #

    Love the posts. It’s great to do that on the road whenever you can. I do it too, and then pop fish oil as I know the meat wasn’t grassfed…not a bad way to go.

    By the way, I am originally a Philly boy myself…rowed right there out of those boathouses and all!

    You can do the double meat, I know you can!

    • jessicamacho February 17, 2011 at 06:12 #

      Actually, since upping the workouts and intensity I think I just might reach my goal of “Finishing a Double Meat Paleo burrito bowl at Chipotle.” I had no idea you were a Philly boy! We drive by those boathouses all the time en route to Wissahickon! Next time I’m there I’ll remember to pop (I almost just wrote poop ??) some fish oil.

  3. JD Ravenhurst February 16, 2011 at 04:43 #

    Jess, Im not sure if I should say thank-you or tell you off! I have spent the last 30 minutes watching ‘EPIC Meal Time’ on youtuube. It’s hilarious! Thanks! 🙂

    Here in Australia, it’s pretty easy to ask for what you want (or don’t want) with your meals at restaurants. Sometimes they don’t exactly give you what you requested, but you certainly don’t get the weird looks (well I haven’t).

    • jessicamacho February 17, 2011 at 06:16 #

      Epic Meal Time is SO SO SO DISGUSTING that I find myself oddly engrossed and engaged in their YouTube videos! So, no weird looks in Australia for ordering Paleo foods? Amazing! When I’m at a restaurant, I start my order to the waitress with, “I apologize for what I’m about to do. I’m going to make your job just a little bit difficult…” and then I start Paleo-fying and rearranging and adding/subtracting ingredients from my meal. Ha!

  4. Ryan February 17, 2011 at 20:23 #

    awesome post. it’s funny – everytime i go to chipotle i do the same thing and order the salad with chicken and beef and guacamole. Now that you mentioned that the guac is seagull poop – i might have to pass on that now! Thanks! 😉

    Looking forward to more paleo posts!

    • jessicamacho February 23, 2011 at 14:31 #

      Oh, you love the guac seagull poop! Nom nom!

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